tiptoes...

This has to be one of the most honest and vulnerable pieces I’ve ever written…I still can’t read it without crying. I wanted to be honest with myself and answer the questions I was once afraid to answer, possibly confront my fears and leave it on the page…I hope you enjoy

Sometimes desiring, wishing, wanting, waiting for him…for this…

Knowing that it’s so close yet so far away, but also knowing enough about myself to say

…I’m not ready…

Those things that are required…I did…those words that were needed…I said…those actions that speak louder than words…were done and heard...they fell on deaf ears but I did them nonetheless...

...honestly I truly gave my best…

I gave all that I had regardless of my misunderstandings of love...I tried…which is more than I’ve ever thought of…

I exceeded my expectations in regards to this relationship, this vision in white I wore black, but I tried to do everything right…

And so here we are…

Here I am…

Wondering where I stand in all of this…wishing I had someone to depend on…but knowing I’m not strong enough to move on...to move beyond the constant laughter and temporary ever-after’s…

Strong enough to fight for what I want yet, weak enough to be carried…

To be this idea in my head, the fire in my heart, to face my fears… about….being married…

I just learned to be me again…I can’t wonder where he fits in so I’ll be patient…

I’ll be waiting…on tiptoes…

Until things look clearer and the pace of my heart brings me nearer…to this individual…

Whose name I don’t know… but is on my lips, whose heart is beyond words, whose actions are beyond my years…

Because I am his…

In the end I just want to be his…